All that time . . .

 6 years ago, today . . .

The notification pops up on my phone from google photos, just like it did last week, and the week before that. 5 years ago, 2 years ago, new memory for you. 

I ignore it, but not because I don't want to think of the past. 

The present is simply too beautiful and fast-paced for that to be important right now. 

I'm busy making memories, and something about that feels like a victory. The fact that I don't feel the need to look back with longing and regret says something. 

It says something about the choices I've been making, about the things I've seen. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Last night

 That poor guy at swing dancing, I feel a bit bad for him.  He asks me to be his partner, so we start learning together, but unfortunately for him he's a good listener who asks questions.  Pretty soon the dance is forgotten, and I'm excitedly describing how I taught a kid about sender, message, receiver, and noise. I'm acting it out, showing him how I mimicked the body language of paying attention and not to have my student practice knowing when to join a conversation when suddenly I realize three things. One, everyone else is either dancing or getting ready to leave.  Two, I am gesturing so widely and talking so loudly that the whole room can hear.  Three, he looks a little tired. I look at the time and gasp. 10pm. Where did the time go? I guess it flies when you're having fun, and when you end up so absorbed in describing your passion that you forget everything else exists for a moment.
Read more

Ever

 Wow.  She said I always have a place here.  It's hard to believe that I'm worth something, that I'm worth that much. It's hard to see someone believe in me, not just with words, but with actions. That is the best feeling ever.  A second later the guilt hits.  I'm reminded that I still have work to do in changing my core beliefs that I don't deserve success, that I'm meant to be in the background, one of the invisible unremarkable links of a chain.  Every few moments the thoughts hit again. What am I doing here? She's just saying that. Does she mean those words? She is just being nice. It can't be me that made that difference. I'm sure there is some other reason he is so happy, it can't be me. What do they see in me? Why do they trust me after all my mistakes?  I still haven't fully bought the idea that I could have that much potential. Someday I will though. Someday.
Read more

Less is more

 Between tissues and Johnny Lingo I sit down to work on the invoice.  I've been working with a student now for a while, and seen clearly the happiness and joy that it has started to bring him. He walks the house singing, speaks to siblings with a gentle voice, and gets himself up at 5:30 in the morning to get to marching band.  His mother said I needed to charge more.  I balked at first, and then realized she was right.  Just because this comes more naturally to me than some doesn't make it worth less. Just because I have spent so much time learning this that now it comes naturally does not make it less valuable. Just because I make it simple doesn't change the impact. It's a strange realization. 
Read more