Steps Forward

 6 years ago, today . . . The notification pops up on my phone from google photos, just like it did last week, and the week before that. 5 years ago, 2 years ago, new memory for you.  I ignore it, but not because I don't want to think of the past.  The present is simply too beautiful and fast-paced for that to be important right now.  I'm busy making memories, and something about that feels like a victory. The fact that I don't feel the need to look back with longing and regret says something.  It says something about the choices I've been making, about the things I've seen. 

 Every day, not all day.  Consistent commitment. That is the secret. This is what I'm learning. Many of the things I've been doing through the years, most the things I've tried and failed at, it was a lack of consistency.  So we are going to try this again. This time for a little longer.  I know I'm meant to help people and make a difference.  I can, if I stick with it. 

 Something I'm learning for myself is how much slow consistent effort is worth.  I've been taught a million times this same concept. It's funny how real something becomes when you actually start to live it. The story my mom always told me, about the turtle and the hare, is no longer just a story. It is a reflection of the parts of my life that have been successful, and those that haven't. The moments I kept going, even when it was slow, those have turned out well, those have been my growth moments. So even if my numbers don't yet hit the ceiling, or even look promising, I'm going to give it a little time.  I will take progress over perfection and consistency over intensity.  It worked for my brain. Changing one sentence at a time in how I thought, challenging that self doubt and that darkness, that is what brought me here. That is what brought me to a place where I am truly proud of who I am, where I find joy instead of shame in improvement.  It's no longer,...

 Habit sessions. Work while messy. If I was to sit down in a meeting/ on a zoom call with people I would start with getting to know them. I'd ask their names, what is important to them in life, times they had victories. Then I'd ask about burnout.  What stresses you out? When are you just finished with life? How often do you look at that dishwasher, at that floor, at that sink, and just feel like a failure. Sure, you could get all the new and fancy electronics, a maid to clean it, or yell at the kids. But do you have to? Do you have to end the day feeling yet again like you only halfway made it? No. You don't. When you have bad days, mentally, emotionally, and socially, it doesn't have to stop you. No, you don't always have some giant life crisis, sometimes it's all just to much. There comes a point where it's to much to be worth caring about. So don't, but not in a way that ends in you throwing your hands in the air while someone complains yet again abo...

 Fate has a way of turning you towards things that you are really meant to do.  It's time to turn to the very thing that I've been running from for years.  I gave it a little try, gave it some time, from a safe place and a safe base I started trying my little business. Now I realize that it's time to stop being scattered and unsure.  I have a gift.  I can help people see the world in a different way than they might be used to. It's time to use that gift, not under someone's wing, careful to stay out of the public eye. Not for a little bit of time, just a few hours of the day once in a while. Not for the next six months till I move on.  This is something I need to start and stick with.  I think that this could be exactly what I really, truly, want to do. And hey! Maybe it will work out this time.  I will do ALL I can.

 Sometimes you have to put dreams on hold. Sometimes you have things to learn. Sometimes your focus has to change. I may have to change direction again, but I trust that it will work out in the end, it always has before!  I will go, go, go and figure it out.  I won't stop moving.